HIME – Chapter 10

Xiao Zhan Pov

I started moving my head near his lips. … He was looking at me with his hooded eyes, his lips were parted and he was panting a little just like me. He was breathing heavily which was making him hotter. I didn’t realize I was just 2 inches away from his lips. I was so ready to capture his juicy lips and suck them kiss them eat them just like I wanted to do before. But at the exact moment we heard clapping and hooting of people.

I came back to reality and realized that the music had stopped seconds ago. I immediately moved away and stood up properly. He growled before getting up from the chair and standing beside me. We bow before leaving the stage. And people screamed because they really liked our performance.

I ran as fast as I could to hide myself from Yibo. I entered a makeup room and thankfully there was no one. I locked the door, stood up against it while putting my hand on my chest. I was panting heavily, my heart was racing crazily and constantly gulping hard to calm myself down.

Zhan : What the hell is wrong with me??!! Don’t tell me you are into Boys Zhan.. You can’t be gay.. !

I said to myself while looking at the mirror in front of me after calming down a little. I started thinking why the hell I was going to do that and immediately recalled the moment when I was dancing with Yibo. His perfect hands, muscular thighs, his seductive gaze, and his big hard coc– fvck! I cursed and looked down between my legs.

I got turned on just by thinking about it!?? And hell! Its painful.. I touched my d*ck and released a trembling breath while closing my eyes. And after closing my eyes i saw his hooded eyes, parted lips and panting chest when I was straddling him.

Zhan : Fvck!

I immediately opened my eyes and removed my hand from my cr*tch. I looked at my reflection in a mirror with my wide eyes.

Zhan : No i cant be .. I cant be gay.. It’s just because i got turned on by straddling him.. yeah.

I said to myself when i heard the knocking voice from the outside and it was non other than Yibo.

Yibo  : Zhan?.. Are you okay??

I gulped hard and turned around before opening the door.  He looked at me with his worried eyes and I left from there without saying anything.

Yeah its better for me to stay away from him. He is not healthy for me. I went towards the place where people were sitting and watching the performance. There were few more performances left before result were declared. I sat beside Cheng. Everyone saw me and started praising me for my outstanding performance. I smiled as normal as possible while nodding politely and then I saw Yibo coming towards me.

‘Why the hell is he following me everywhere can’t he–‘ and to my surprise i saw him passing in front of my seat without giving me a single glance and sat beside Ziyi after giving her SWEET SMILE!? ‘WHAT THE DUCK’ ….

I looked at my left side which was one seat empty seat and after that there was Ziyi sitting and after that Yibo. ‘Couldn’t he sit beside me? Do I smell bad? Why he has to sit that far away from me.? , I looked at him with my deathly stare but he wasn’t even moving his eyes towards me and praising Ziyi for her wonderful performance.

I felt a heavy weight inside me and scoffed in disbelief. For fvcking sake he is my partner. I turned my face toward the stage and saw it was Yang Zi and Fei who were performing on hip hop music. I decided to divert my attention from him to the performance but I could still hear them laughing sweetly in the loud hip hop music.

I was giving him glances time to time but he was totally ignoring me. “Is he mad at me for ignoring him a few minutes ago?” I thought while looking at him and finally he looked at me with his EXPRESSIONLESS FACE.. Wow… Okay don’t forget this ..Yibo.

I looked away from him but when their performance ended I saw Yibo changing his seat. Now he was sitting between me and Ziyi. ‘Huh! I won’t give you attention now’ I said inside my brain but waited for his voice. But he never said a single word to me.. Wow! Why the hell was I expecting something from this emotionless freak.?

Yang zi came and ran toward me with her happy face. I smiled widely while looking at her.

Zhan : You were so cool ..

I praised her even though I didn’t pay much attention on her performance. She smiled with her rosy cheeks and looked at the Yibo who was glaring at her. What the fvck is wrong with this guy.

Yang Zi : You won’t change your seat right?

Yibo just shook his head and turned his face toward the stage. Yang Zi sighed and sat beside Ziyi. I gave one last glance to Yibo before putting all my attention on the stage.

---

The professor was announcing the result and he had already declared the third and second runner up. It was time for the first runner up and after hearing that we were not second or third, I had already lost my hope. There’s no way we’d be the first..

Professor  : And the first place goes to Xiao Zhan  and Wang Yibo. !!!

I widened my eyes when I heard that. I looked at my left side where Yibo was sitting, he turned his face towards me and smiled a little. Everyone was hooting and clapping for us and I was still in a shock. He nodded and stood up making me do the same. He grabbed my hand and we started walking towards the stage.

After reaching the stage, i realised we really won. Its not a prank.  We bowed politely and took so many pictures with resort manager teacher and second and third runner up.  We received our prize like they promised.

---

After changing my clothes I was going towards the garden where everyone was waiting for me including Yibo. It was dinner time and I told them to wait for me as I needed to change my clothes.

But suddenly my eyes caught something. I stopped and saw Haoxuan was grabbing Jiyang’s hand with desperation but Jiyang politely snatched his hand back while saying.

Jiyang : I’m sorry… But i don’t feel the same as you. You are just my Friends, a roommate that’s it.

They were standing behind the pillar and there were no one except me and them. From his reply i understood what was happening. And i widened my eyes in shock. ‘Wow it was totally unexpected.

Haoxuan : Can’t you give me one chance? I really like–

His eyes were showing desperation and I felt bad for him. It must be hard for him to tell his feelings to someone with same gender. But Jiyang cut him off.

Jiyang : I’m sorry.. I respect your feelings but I can’t feel the same as you. Never.

Its bad to eavesdropping someone’s conversation but I was still standing there and listening to their conversation. Haoxuan scoffed with teary eyes and nodded with his gritting teeth. ‘He is hurt’. For a second Jiyang’s eyes got softened and he tried to grab his hand but Haoxuan moved back and left after giving him last burning with pain look.

I sighed and turned around to move away from them. Getting love from your love ones is not easy for some people especially for Gay. They might love a person who may not be the same as them and get hurt at last. After seeing all this, my heart was hurting. I’m scared.

‘What if I become gay and love Yibo. What will be his reaction? Will he tease me? Will he reject me like Jiyang? Or will he–‘ ‘wait what the hell am I thinking? And why I thought of loving Yibo out of all of them. Fvck! I’m getting crazy.. I’m not gay. And I won’t love that emotionless freak. I sighed and started walking towards the garden.

I saw them chatting happily and cracking silly jokes. Yibo was using his phone quietly but looked up when he heard my footsteps. He moved his finger toward the seat beside him which was empty but i ignored him and sat beside Haoxuan.

I saw that Yibo was not pleased with my deeds and was giving me death glares but who cares. I saw Jiyang sitting next to Yibo as that was the only seat left at our table. I turned my gaze to Haoxuan and saw he was paying no attention to Jiyang.

---

After the dinner everyone had left table and moved to place where everyone else were there to enjoy bonfire but Haoxuan was still sitting on that table alone and drinking. Jiyang’s eyes was moving towards the Haoxuan’s direction time to time with his worried expressions but he wasn’t taking step to go near him.

I got up from my seat and walked over to the table where Haoxuan was sitting. I sat down beside him and snatched the bottle from his hand, raised a glass to pour myself some drink. He looked at me and smiled sweetly in his drunken state.

Haoxuan : Go away.. Yibo will kill me..

He said while chuckling and I turned my head and saw Yibo was glaring at my direction but fvck him. Why would he care? He was clinging to Ziyi all the time. Why is he giving me attention now? Huh..

Zhan : i heard your conversation with Jiyang.

I told him truth as i was feeling guilty about it. He looked at me and scoffed while sipping his drink. I looked at him with my sad eyes and he replied

Haoxuan : Don’t feel pitty for me. I already expected this type of reaction from him. But I’m glad that i told him my feelings. I will move on soon.

I furrowed in confusion. ‘How could he move on so easily? Won’t he try a little more? ‘

Zhan : Will you give up on him?

He nodded..

Haoxuan: hmm I can’t change his likings. He is not gay like me. And I can’t force him to love me. Will you force someone to love you?

‘Of course, at least I will try my best to make him love me’. I thought but didn’t reply him. He would think I’m selfish and obsessive person which is true but I will only show this to my love. I unknowingly looked at Yibo who was still glaring at my direction. I felt good to see him like that because few minutes ago he wasn’t sparing me a single glance and now he can’t able to move his gaze away from my direction. I grinned in satisfaction and looked away from him.

But my smirk vanished when I realized what the hell I was doing.? And why am I happy to have his attention. My body heats up and I started feeling I don’t know about my own self. What the hell do I want? Why the hell am I doing this? Am I really not straight as poll?

All the questions were eating me alive and I looked at Haoxuan and suddenly I felt an urge to ask all my doubts about myself.

Zhan : Can i ask you something?

He nodded with a smile and i cleared my throat before moving closer toward him. I gathered all my courage and asked.

Zhan : How can someone find out about their own gender? I mean when can a person realized that he is g- gay? I mean what are the possibilities of someone to be gay.? I mean symptoms?

He chuckled and looked at me while smirking and fvck i was nervous as hell and he replied

Haoxuan: If the person constantly asks himself ‘Am I gay?’ that means he is. If you are thinking about a guy more than girls and no girl turn you on but a boy can.

What the duck!? Am I really ga– stop asking this, Zhan. I thought while slapping myself internally. But all these things were happening to me. Yes its true its not easy to turn me on. No girl could make me arouse but Yibo could. And my mind is constantly thinking about Him rather than girls.

I widened my eyes and he smirked in satisfaction. He sipped his drink and turned his face toward me.

Haoxuan : Are you doubting on your gender?

He asked and i nodded. I was feeling safe as he would understand me more than anyone. And he would not tease me for asking this.

Zhan : Is it okay to be Ga-Gay?

He widened his eyes in amusement and answered me.

Haoxuan : Someone asked me the same question… Anyways.. Yes its totally normal. If you are gay, you will find out about yourself soon. And never hate your self for being different from everyone. Its you. Fvck everyone. No one will gonna stay with you forever. Its you, who will be your partner for lifetime. So never hide your true feelings from your own self.

I felt the weight of his words. He was right, at least I should not hide my true self from me. I will accept myself the way I am. Gay & straight, they are the references made by society. Everyone has the right to love whom he wants irrespective of his gender. Love is… Love yeah! I felt a heavy weight lifted from my chest. I smiled and turned around to look at Yibo and chuckled finding out he was still looking at me.

Zhan : Thanks for saying that. You really helped me alot.

He scoffed and emptied the whole glass.

Haoxuan: Heartbroken person is giving love tips… Wow. How ironic.

---

I was tipsy and laughing stupidly on everything while sitting beside YangZi. She intertwined my arms with hers and I wasn’t minding because it wasn’t affecting me. We were playing truth and dare and bottle stopped on Yibo.

Yibo : Dare.

Everyone hooted including me and he moved his gaze on me. I smiled and Cheng started speaking.

Cheng : Pick one from us and dance like you did with Zhan.

He smirked not moving his eyes away from me and I prepared myself to get up as I thought he would pick me up because he was looking at me only.

Yibo : Ziyi..

But when he said that name my smile vanished immediately. He was still looking at me and seeing me clenching my jaw. Fvck him.. He was enjoying my reaction. I looked away from him and gritted his teeth.

Everyone was hooting and he started dancing with Ziyi but the steps were totally different. He was being polite with her and not touching her in an improper way. He was maintaining a distance between them but still my heart was burning with anger. He chose her.

Everyone clapped except me and they spin the bottle again. That bottle stopped on YangZi and we looked at her.

YangZi : Dare.

I clapped excitedly like everyone and Ziyi spoke.

Ziyi : Kiss one from us.

Yubin widened his eyes and looked at me. She turned his face to ask my permission. I widened my eyes when I realized she was thinking of kissing me. I moved closer towards her ear and whispered. ‘you can kiss me on the cheek’ and she nodded with her blushing face. I turned my face toward Yibo and saw him glaring at us. I smirked and got up from my place with Yang Zi. Everyone hooted in excitement and I stood in front of YangZi.

She cleared her throat and started moving towards my face to kiss on my cheek and I realized in that moment, I’m not into girls. I was hoping for Yibo in place of Yangzi. There wasn’t even a single ounce of excitement or interest in me of getting a kiss from her. Her face was coming near me but I wasn’t feeling the things I felt when I saw Yibo’s face near me.

Before her lips could touch my cheeks, my body jerked away from her and I felt a strong grip on my wrist.

Yibo : Enough.

He said before dragging me away from there with him leaving everyone speechless in shock. What the fvck! I couldn’t even make him jealous properly like he was making me for the whole fvcking day. I tried to remove his grip from my wrist while yelling..

Zhan : What the hell?!! Leave me!! I was enjoying the game.. !!!! Leav-

He stopped when we reached at the resort hall, away from everyone. He turned around and glared at me with his burning eyes and started speaking with his gritting teeth.

Yibo: Utter one more word and I will finish you tonight

I widened my eyes and gulped hard feeling the sudden blast of excitement in my stomach. ‘Yes I want this type of feeling’ I thought while looking at him and he turned around and started walking towards our room.

After entering into our room he locked the door and pinned me against the door harshly. I hissed in pain when my back made sudden contact with the hard door.

Yibo : How dare you let her kiss you?!

I grinned in satisfaction after hearing him. I looked at him and saw him clenching his jaw. His face red with anger and eyes were showing nothing but fire.

Zhan: So what.!? You also kissed me. So what if she kisses me too. , Why do you care?

His grip tighten on my wrist and he moved closer toward my face and growled.

Yibo: Don’t test my patience. You don’t know how much I can be possessive when it comes to my things. The moment you slammed your lips on mine. They had become mine. And I won’t allow anyone to touch my thing. And I won’t spare you if you let anyone touch you. Do you understand.?

What the fvck! I never thought I would be feeling excitement while listening to something like that from him. But all I could see was myself in him. I feel the same as him. He is as selfish as me.

Zhan : Oh yeah.? And what were you doing for the whole fvcking day. Clinging on Ziyi and touching her like a desperate d*ck. So what if I do the same.

He pulled my hands above my head, grabbing them together with his one hand and grabbed my neck roughly and started slightly choking me.

Yibo: I’m warning you for the last time.. Stop testing my patience. Or I won’t hesitate to kill you here and do something you won’t like at all.

His dominance..fvck! Butterflies were dancing inside my stomach. I gulped hard looking into his eyes. Fvck he was serious. I shuddered while feeling his rough hands on my burning skin. I would gladly become bottom for him. I smirked and started speaking again to provoke him more.

Zhan: Why? Are you jealous..mad. ?, What were you thinking when you were doing all those things with Ziyi? Should I beat the shit out of you for that? For letting her touch you.? For moving your as& with her on music. For ignoring me when I was craving for your attention? For making me fvcking jealous huh?!!!!

I slightly yelled on his face losing all the control and his expressions changed, he grinned and tilted his head while raising his eyebrows in amusement. He loosened the grip from neck and he moved that hand under my chin to lift it up so that he could have proper look of my face.

Yibo : You were… Jealous? Why?

He still has the audacity to ask this? Can’t he understand? Okay I won’t tell you either. ‘ I thought ,not because it was hurting my ego but I was scared to tell him. And I wasn’t even confirm about my own self. I need time to think if I really like him or it is just a lust.

Zhan: Why were you jealous, watching me kiss YangZi? And now you’re blaming me like you always did. Stop making things weird between Us Yibo, we barely solved everything between us few days ego.

His smirk vanished immediately and his eyes looked sad. Fvck… I made him remember something he wanted to forget. He removed his hands from my body and went inside the bathroom after taking out his night clothes. I sighed and went towards my bed to sleep. Tomorrow will be the last day of this trip and I was wondering what would be our next task?

---

We were standing in a garden for our next task. Professor were telling us the next task while showing the map of the forest.

Professor: You just have to follow this map and collect the flags as much as possible. The one who will be able to collect the more flags will be the winner of this task. We will provide you the map and try not to get lost in a forest. Have your phone with you and turn on the location of your phone. Is that clear everyone?

Everyone shouted yes! with so much excitement and i was excited too. Now finally I could feel something thrilling. Haoxuan started distributing maps to each team and I looked beside me where Yibo was standing.

He was ignoring me and everyone after yesterday’s night. I sighed and grabbed the map which Haoxuan gave it to me. Out of no where Haoxuan hugged me while saying..

Haoxuan : Take care bro.. Lets meet soon.

I got confused but immediately pushed him away fearing Yibo’s reaction and saw him giving death glare to Haoxuan. Fvck.. He got angry. But Haoxuan ignored his glare and hugged Yibo too while saying

 

Haoxuan : Eat more before going inside the forest. You may need to carry Zhan.

He whispered the last line but i could hear him. Yibo furrowed in confusion just like me and Haoxuan winked at him before leaving.

I had a bad feeling… something’s not right. Something bad is about to happen.

 

Thank you for reading.
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