CH-chapter 58

Xiao Zhan

No… no what he is doing…… he is going back to hell again….. oh god Cheng was right he is playing with fire….. he can see all the flashback…. where he made such painful memories that he has to live with for life but reviving them again was too much…

Zhan feels he was having a heart attack….. he shakes his head…. he will be abused again… he will be a pet to play with for Yibo and Carmen….. he will be degraded by Haikuan and Ann…. and no one will help him.

Tears were falling and then Yibo touch his arm.

“Zhan breath ok.. ok sshh just breath in and out you are having a panic attack… it will go… think something good… think about Fei… how happy she will be… she is getting back her mama.”

Yibo try to distract him and it works.

Zhan looked him in his eyes and said. “I’m so scared.” he said distractedly.

Yibo eyes were bulging out like it click to him…. his guilty eyes become moist and one long teardrop falls down…. he put both hands on his face and try to take a deep breath.

Zhan then realized what he said and he was ready for the assault but it never came.

Then Yibo looked him deeply and gently hold his face.

“Dont…. dont be ever scared…. no one like no one in this house has the power to ever hurt you, not even me… Zhan looked at me (when Zhan try to look away). you know me at my worst and my best too…. and I’m sure as hell you can see that I’m not lying…. you can see how firmed I am on this… you have the real power to destroy us… you are the most beautiful and strongest person i have met… just never forget that.”

Zhan was stun….. Yibo…. Wang Yibo his husband for five years was giving him confidence he is strong….

Zhan feels all of a sudden shy and strange… he removes Yibo hands and looks aimlessly at the garden.

Yibo open his car door and he opens Zhan’s door. He gently picked his hand and take him out of the door.

Zhan can still feel the emotional feelings but this time he try to control them…. he has to be strong… you are doing this for your daughter… you have to strong… just remember what Boashan told you in prison never show your weakness…

Zhan tries to back up himself.

With great courage and self-talk let Zhan take a step towards the mansion door.

Yibo was already looking nervous and was looking around like he is worried there might be someone standing in the hall.

Yibo gives Zhan a smile. “I think we will go directly to our wing side….. you look tired too…”

Zhan didn’t reply just nodes… but they were about to go when they heard voice..

“Yibo.”

Zhan becomes tense and nervous too…. after a long time he is facing him… and the memories he has about him are too bad….

Haikuan always make him feel inferior and embarrassed for no reason….

Zhan has no idea what he will say to him today..

Yibo also look tense and he hesitantly replied. “Haikuan, let me take Zhan to our room then we’ll talk.”

Haikuan looked very ashamed and he can’t meet Zhan eyes. “Actually I want to welcome Zhan too….”

Zhan met his eyes and see the same guilt that Yibo also had but Zhan felt nothing for their guilt because they never felt anything for him then why should he…

Haikuan looks down. “I hope you are well and I know you probably hearing this a lot but I’m really sorry… I also never treated you good…. but what you are doing this for us made me more guilty….. I’m so so sorry Zhan.”

Zhan looks away and felt those stupid tears… why don’t they get this he doesn’t need sorry… he needs to forget that terrible time and these people and looking at them all he remembers those days when he was treated like a shit…

Yibo came and put an arm on Zhan’s waist… “Haikuan he is tired, we will talk later… come Zhan.”

Zhan close his eyes.

When they reach their wing Zhan can see himself in every corner of the house, how miserable he was… how he work like 24 hours and not a word of appreciation he ever got but instead he got abuse…..

When he reached the door he starts feeling all the weird and painful feeling that he tries to control them.

Zhan saw the bedroom and realized it was still the same….. he felt the tears that were about to fall… he looks around…..

Yibo was oblivion to Zhan’s condition and was acting normal… and putting Zhan’s things…

Zhan feel suffocation he then saw where he is standing it was the same place where he used to lie down on the floor for years.

Then he saw the bed and it takes him to the wedding night where his dreams for happily ever after ever crushed when Yibo slapped him and brutality took his virtue.

Zhan remembers how Yibo makes fun of his body and called him ugly slut…. he shiver and realize he was full on crying…… why these images are coming in front of him….

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Wang Yibo

It was a difficult day…

Yibo put Zhan things inside the wardrobe and pinched his nose…. thank god it was the only Haikuan in the entry… if it was a mom….no wonder how Zhan would have reacted….

Yibo still can’t digest how Zhan had a Panic Attack in the car and how he looks so in pain when Haikuan says sorry to him.

He shook his head… he made a mess and now he has to clean that…

Yibo enters the room and saw how Zhan uncontrollably crying and his body were shaking… Zhan keeps on seeing “why…. why.”

Yibo run to him and hold him by his waist.

“Oh Zhan what happens… please baby tell me please tell me…” Yibo was super confused and concerned.

Zhan whole face was covered in tears and he kept on saying. “Why I keep on seeing these bad images… it’s hurting me…. its hurting me.”

Yibo can’t get what Zhan meant but then it clicks to him that this room makes him brought back all these memories that Zhan tries to forget.

His inner guilt came back with such force that it also made him lose it more and his tears also start falling.

“Oh baby I’m so so sorry for everything…. I’m a monster but please, believe me, I will never hurt you never ever hurt you, I will change everything of this room and we can create new memories hell I will change the house we will move to new house but please stop crying it’s killing me.”

Yibo put his head on his chest.

Zhan was still crying.

“You hurt me so bad so bad that I can’t even move forward for my daughter…. even I try my everything… but this house has totally broken me beyond repair.” Zhan yelled at him.

Yibo was shocked…. Zhan is not broken beyond repair?…. he is not causing if cant then changes him or even himself…

He wiped Zhan’s tears and Zhan violently took a step back like he expected Yibo will strike him.

Yibo cursed oh god he will kill him with guilt….. “please stop crying….. we can get out now…. go to Fei room then when you feel ok we will come ok….”

Fei’s name changed Zhan expression. “Fei ….yes Fei I want to see him.”

Yibo sighs. “Ok but you need to get little fresh.” he gently told him

Zhan nodes and go to the washroom.

Yibo grab his hair… fuck how can he make things better?

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Xiao Zhan

“And you know mama daddy don’t know how to make such hair.”

Fei excitedly told Zhan when Zhan made a beautiful braid of her long hair and Zhan laughed at how Fei was such a happy kid always making him laugh and filled his heart with so much love…

These moments with her made him realized that why he came to stay with his daughter… he lived his life very painfully but now forward he will live for his Fei.

Yibo came with a tray of food and said in a funny voice.

“Oh really princess… daddy doesn’t make good hair?”

Fei eyes beamed with happiness whens he saw her daddy

Fei run to him “daddy… what you got for me.”

Yibo try to balance the tray. “Wait a minute road runner let me put the tray and I get your milk… Xieli told me you haven’t had that.”

Yibo give her a daddy look.

Fei look away like she doesn’t heard and start saying different stuff.

Yibo picked her small body and tickle her small feet and Fei giggled.

“Young lady you can’t make daddy distract from others topic now drink the milk and let me give the food to your mama.”

Zhan was looking them in awe… how he always wanted Yibo and Fei like that… and now he can see how much they love each other… but now seeing them also make him sad too why now Yibo is good… he should be good to Fei the moment she was born…

Zhan shakes his head., he don’t want to think on such topics right now when he is enjoying his time with his daughter.

Yibo gives him the food which was way too much.

Yibo sit with her and give Zhan the orange juice and said. “How are you feeling.”

Zhan took the juice and replied slowly. “Fine.”

Yibo nodes and then give Zhan the plate with some fresh fruits and scrambled egg.

“I know its kinda late breakfast but you need to have your medicine so it’s important you had a good one!” Yibo said to him.

Zhan took some bite of fresh fruit and feel fresh himself.

When he was done… Yibo said to eat all but Zhan just shakes his head Yibo don’t push him more and said.

“Ok then you can eat at lunchtime Just let me take your medicines out… and secondly if you are feeling ok can I call dad…. he really wants to meet you.”

Zhan in his all emotional mess forget about Mr. Wang…he gets emotional and said “I love too.. how he is?”

Yibo stops in a midway and took out the medicine pack and said. “He is fine… I mean he is still in wheelchair but his speech is little improved because of speech treatment….. but I think your presence will make him better he miss you so much already.”

Yibo give him a sad smile.

“Ok now take your pills then we will go meet him.”

Zhan took the pills and then stand to meet the only person in this family who loved him like a son.

Zhan and Mr Wang had an emotional reunion, crying too when he saw Zhan he apologized, that how his family treated him and how he feels guilty he was.

But Zhan wiped his tears. “Please don’t say this… you have nothing to be guilty about you were the only good thing in this house… you treated me like your son that even my own parents fail to do that. I miss you and all I want you to get better.”

Mr Wang smiled “i i will, so.. soon bec.. because you are here now…”

Zhan nodes too but then Yibo came in said in a nervous tone.

“Sorry dad and Zhan…. now we have to go cause you are tired and its…. its mom time to came at home from the hospital.”

Zhan tense when Carmen name came… he doesn’t want to even look that women…. that women said such a cruel and nasty stuff about his Fei that he wanted to ignore that but was more stun when Yibo wanted to protect him from his own mother…. strange when both mother and son really enjoy his misery at one point… Zhan thought in a cynical way.

When they enter their room.

Zhan was confused how this room look so different few hours ago and now…. he saw the living arrangement of change from top to bottom and realized Yibo who hate the change.. has now turned his own room upside down..

Zhan absently said. “You hate the change!”

Yibo turned to him suddenly like he was not expecting Zhan will say that, he shrugs.

“Yes I used to but since it was making you feel uncomfortable I try to make it look like the way you like…. I hope you are ok now.” he reluctantly asked.

Zhan saw his genuine expression and feel touched for no reason… he just said. “It’s fine.”

Yibo smiled and then said “hmm great… I know you are tired but you will feel much better if you took a shower then rest ok…. obviously if that’s what you want.” Yibo said in a nervous tone.

Zhan who was still confused with this caring Yibo… he replied. “I think you are right shower will be fine.”

Yibo took him to his bathroom and said. “Shower will make you tired while standing but a good warm bath will relax your muscle… let me set the water for you.”

Zhan stand still… what the ever hell Yibo is doing… why he is so caring… he is confusing me…. no Zhan don’t trust him… he is playing with your mind…

Yibo set the water and put some scented oil in the water and said. “Come it’s ready.”

Zhan blushed and looked him in a strange manner… why he is not going…”Can you go outside please.”

Zhan feels strange to ask that to a person who has known every single thing about his body…

But then he realized why strange to ask it’s his right to privacy and they were never intimate with each other outside the bedroom so why now…

Yibo also looks uncomfortable. “Oh I’m sorry… of course I will be waiting outside… if you need anything.” he looks super nervous and shy now.

Zhan was also feeling exactly like that too.

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